The Nature of Naughtiness

Why the well-behaved find it's more exciting to be naughty than be nice

I’ve never met you — nevertheless, I’m going to make a bold prediction. It’s about the nature of one of your deepest secrets.

Being naughty turns you on.

It’s true, isn’t it?

The irony is, I suspect you’re also extremely well-behaved.

I’d go as far as predicting that you’re polite and scrupulously responsible. You believe in acting with honesty and good grace. You have a strong respect for society’s rules, and would feel incredibly guilty were you ever be caught breaking actual laws, or transgressing social expectations.

Despite all that, you still privately fantasise about being naughty, or disciplining those caught doing naughty things. Perhaps even both.

Strange as it may seem, there’s something about naughtiness that feels tremendously arousing. I know you’ve felt it. It’s fun to be naughty. It’s exciting to fantasise about smashing the rules of civility and decency we’ve spent our entire lives studiously obeying.

It thrills us to know beneath our sensible, rule-following public persona, our inner rebel still lurks undefeated. We want to feel that deep inside we’re still a feisty force of nature that never will be tamed.

That’s why if a love interest ever looked us in the eyes and said: “You’re trouble”, our instinctive response would be to immediately imagine them with all their clothes off.

But what do we even mean when we label something “naughty”?

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Define Naughty

Is it the act of breaking the rules? If so, whose rules?

Is there really a rule that says you can’t sneak off to masturbate? Or read an erotic story in public? Or flash yourself to a lover?

Of course not. Naughtiness isn’t like breaking the hard laws that society agreed to ensure our safety. It’s more subtle, our own little rebellion against a world full of rules, our assertion of individuality against the soft laws of social convention.

Naughtiness is when we dare to violate the expectations of decency we’ve been taught to obey: be virtuous, be chaste, be pure.

Psychologically, lust is adjacent to temptation. We grow up associating temptation with things we desire but which are beyond our reach. We’re taught it’s naughty to covet things, but that doesn’t turn off our yearnings, it just makes what we can’t have seem even more desirable. So we start scheming. Maybe we’ll acquire what we crave through guile and mischief.

Being naughty is a chance to subvert expectations. It’s hot because we know strangers would disapprove if they knew what we were doing, but those who know us intimately would cheer us on. It’s exciting to push the boundaries of ‘proper' behaviour, and see what lurks on the other side.

Hence the term “naughty” is more synonymous with risqué behaviour than anything unlawful. To be naughty is to engage in subtle acts of sexual suggestiveness that never quite cross the line into overt indecency.

“I thought of you last night…”

“I’m wearing special panties just for you…”

“As it happens, I’m sitting with my legs spread…”

“You’ve such a naughty mind. This is a perfectly normal way to lick ice cream…”

A partner in crime is the essential ingredient of naughtiness. We can declare ourselves naughty anytime, but it's far hotter when we allow someone else to be the judge of just how naughty we've been. Naughty comments are like breadcrumbs, leading their imagination astray. Or better still, abducting it.

To be “naughty” is to invite whoever is in your company to be “naughty” too, to participate in a game of escalating naughtiness. It’s a like a private little conspiracy, where the sexual temperature of the conversation is continually rising, through a succession of flirtatious confessions, scoldings, and dares.

But it’s not just about violating expectations of decency, the context of the misdemeanours matter too. For instance, you might decide not to wear any panties. By itself, that would merely be a private act of daring, and no one need ever know.

But what if you whispered your confession when sitting on the sofa with the lights dimmed, just before watching something together. Or, imagine making the same confession during a date night at the back of a cinema, in the dark, just before the movie started. One is bold, the other verges on the outrageous. The more an act violates our expectations of “decent” behaviour, the more erotic it becomes.

Likewise, tying up your partner in the bedroom is hot, but it's even hotter to do it whenever it’s unexpected. You could go into the countryside, then surprisingly ask them to put their hands behind their back, whereupon you take off your panties and bind their wrists with them. Imagine walking a few paces ahead, listening to them telling you how naughty you are, and the smacked bottom you'll be getting when they finally get their hands free.

Or, remember the scenario described in Forking Paths:

"I want him to think of me as a mischievous little minx. I want him to remember how I teased him, and how it took all his self-control to hold himself back. Whenever my name glows on his phone I want the very first thought that materialises in his horny mind to be taking hold of my wrist, and the desire to deal with me."

The only limits to your outrageousness are what you can imagine, and how far you dare to go.

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Escalation towards Consequences

Spanking is inextricably associated with naughtiness, because all sexual acts involve escalation towards physical consequences.

Sexual surveys consistently show impact play is one of the most popular kinks. An interest in spanking may even be the defining aspect of your own sexuality. Spanking fantasies are so ubiquitous, some have become erotic cliches. The naughty schoolgirl and her stern headmaster, the wilful minx and her strict governess, the brat sent to her room, and countless more variations that blend strict rules, righteous rebellion, and eroticised retribution.

Spanking stories are a genre as old as printed erotica. For centuries they’ve allowed their readers to vicariously experience the thrill of naughtiness, and the cathartic satisfaction of reading about the protagonist being properly punished.

No wonder then that so many of our archetypal fantasy figures are strict disciplinarians who’ll set boundaries and enforce accountability. These are rarely brutes and bullies, but trusted authority figures who we want to obey. It seems dominance and submission are wired deep into our psyche.

Hence what we call kinky play reflects this enjoyable escalation, from words to feelings, and ultimately physical sensations.

It might begin with a playful threat, a phrase that rattles the recipient’s mind and makes their tummy flutter. In healthy kinky relationships, threats are not acts of intimidation but a way to acknowledge a partner’s need for attention, whilst also leaving it unsatisfied, so the tension is not resolved - but escalates.

If any provocation was immediately and invariably followed by a spanking, there'd be little space for the emotional and psychological enjoyment of discipline, and that would be no fun at all. There’d be no ambiguity, and no sense of dancing close to the tripwire. No way to enjoy the erotic jeopardy of pushing boundaries and wondering if this time you've gone too far.

Naughtiness must be a process.

Good disciplinarians know the joy is in the journey, not merely the destination. They allow their partner the space to be misbehave. Think of it as a stairway with four naughty steps.

The first step is the Verbal Warning. The disciplinarian recognises their partner's attempt to grab their attention, and might call them “naughty”, “minx”, “brat”, or some other term of endearment. There may be the suggestion of consequences, but that threat is left hanging in the air. Obviously what’s said here is not meant to be a deterrent, but an encouragement.

The second step is Foreshadowing - where the brat is made to imagine the consequences of their continued misbehaviour. They might be told: "Remind me what happens to naughty girls?", and be made to explain in detail the familiar consequences of acting up. But still, their bum will remain unsmacked.

The third step is The Brink. The brat might be sent to fetch the implement that will be used to spank them. They might be made to pull down and hand over their panties, or change into a customary spanking outfit, like their pyjamas.

There might be a physical demonstration, with the spanking implement smacked against the spanker's palm, swished through the air, or whacked against a cushion. This theatrical performance should leave the naughty one in no doubt what's in store, but it need not automatically be followed by a spanking. Just like orgasms and edging, it's more effective to leave them teetering on the brink, fizzing with anticipation.

The final stage is, of course, the spanking itself. But this doesn't need to occur immediately. It might happen in a few hours, or at bedtime, or tomorrow, or in a few days’ time when the recipient is least expecting it.

Of course, the consequences don’t need to involve spanking, plenty of other “punishments” are possible. They don’t even need to be painful, frustration is just as a good a comeuppance — especially for those who love being spanked anyway. The offender might be denied for a while, even put in a chastity belt, or have their hands cuffed so they can’t touch themselves. They could be brought to the edge of climaxing, and left in a state of desperation so they can appreciate who’s really in charge.

Ambiguity is the magic ingredient that makes misbehaviour sizzling hot. A brat should never truly know how close they are to being punished, or the exact nature of what fate awaits them. That's for their disciplinarian to decide. Threats make brats wet, and the best punishments always come as a shocking surprise.

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Naughtiness is flirting in disguise

I think we can all agree that laws are a very good thing indeed.

Socially well-adjusted people need rules and boundaries. We want to surround ourselves with nice folk, and have no desire to vandalise society or abuse others. So what we well-behaved citizens call ‘misbehaviour’ is really about taboo-breaking, invented little sins that damage nothing and hurt no-one.

Nice on the streets, naughty between the sheets.

So I hope this post makes a convincing case that “being naughty” isn’t actually about rules at all — it’s really a kind of eroticised flirting.

When we call someone naughty, or confess to it ourselves, we’re flirting. We’re inviting our partner to think of us in a eroticised way. We might appropriate the language of rules, transgressions, and punishments, but we’re doing so playfully. It’s really an invitation to join us in our private play world.

Calling someone close to us a “naughty girl” or “naughty boy” is never an insult, but expression of intimacy and affection. Naughtiness always has a subtext, an intrinsic power disparity. It implies the existence of someone who’ll enforce the rules, and take control. Many are surprised by just how arousing the word “No” can be.

It’s surely no coincidence that a popular euphemism for spanking is “to be taken care of”. Whilst the instinct to wander is strong, we are still grateful for the presence of boundaries, and the firm hands that keep us from getting lost in the wilderness. Even if our little game finishes with a good spanking, bottoms may be sore, but pleasurably so, and everything is made better in the end.

Getting caught is an incredibly popular masturbatory fantasy. The rituals of punishment can be imagined in such arousing detail. Nobody fantasises about getting away with it.

Human beings have a thirst for naughtiness, as that’s how our minds eroticise the awkwardness of living in a complex world of rules, expectations, and boundaries.

As we mature, we learn to channel powerful emotions like shame and guilt into the psychological outlets of our erotic fantasies. In the privacy of our own imaginations, as we explore our confusing feelings, we realise something remarkable: crossing some lines seems rather exciting, and getting caught is nothing to be feared. The prospect of being naughty actually turns us on.

Having explored this subject deeply, and discussed it with so many, I find it delightful that those who’ve spent their lives behaving so impeccably are also the ones who fantasise about being naughty most intensely.

I hope, after reading this, you’ll understand your own strange desires better too.

United by our common human nature, we are the naughty well-behaved.